Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
