Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
