Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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