The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
