Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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