is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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