he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
