I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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