THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
there is glitter all over my balls
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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