You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
