Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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