hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
