You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
