ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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