i jhust puked up my retainher.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
