My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
