I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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