its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i will never coherently bang her
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
