My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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