As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
