yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
