I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
