I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
