What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
