I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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