I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
There's always time for handjobs
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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