we have officially mastered the walk of shame
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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