i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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