this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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