You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
how does that bad decision feel?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
