I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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