Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
