the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
