i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Success! We fucked roommates!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
