Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
