from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
