I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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