Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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