i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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