so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
