I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Terrible idea I love it
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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