Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
