Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
