What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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