My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I have tasted many bathrooms
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
