apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
