I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
