I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
