I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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