I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
