batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
