I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize