I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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