guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
