I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
organizing the empties. That sober.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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