I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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