i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
